Okay, so I think a lot of people already know that I’m Queen Misanagi from the Edogawa Proboards and Fanfiction.net. But seriously, everytime i’m in the cbox of Knightus’ site, everyone calls me "queen". It’s my title! Not my name!

And then, yesterday, someone finally got it right!

(WARNING: READ FROM BOTTOM TO TOP. IT’S HOW CBOXES WORK)

I have always chosen princes over frogs. It isn’t in my nature to show sympathy nor mercy to those poor, desperate beings who try to intrude into my well-guarded fortress. I didn’t really need anything, really… I had the best things in life. I had everything, even those I didn’t ask for, was handed in flying, sparkling platters. And I thought my life was perfect. I thought I was perfect. I was happy and content inside my fortress.

This almost fictional fortress, as many of you may have already guessed, is that organ that beats non-stop. It allows blood, tears, poison and that sickening, sickening drug called “love” to flow into your veins and consume your whole being. It envelopes your soul with memories and longing, it strangles you with such intensity but in the end, you end up breathing life into your system.

So, what about it, eh?

How come it never penetrated my fortress if it’s all that.

Or maybe it already did.

—

The princes I have mentioned came through the back door. They didn’t really enter the right way. And they were past-times, mere playthings that i have laughed at as they have indulged me with sweet nothings.

Then came a crusader, who hid his royalty behind shabby clothes, poetic crap and raised eyebrows. He told me I was screwed. He taught me that I can’t always have what I want. He seduced me into wanting things I didn’t really like.

“I should work in advertising…” he even said once.

He has done many different things that the other princes didn’t even consider. And from his lessons, I have learned that you can’t always have your way and that it’s idiotic to think that you could only be happy if you have the best thing - because there are no bests. And in those moments when I’m with him, moments that I still consider to be distinct times when madness and clarity clash, I have discovered that I could be perfectly content with the next best thing.

I’d be forever thankful for the epiphanies I have shared with him. However, in the light of my new life, I have forgotten that he too, is in need of salvation.

So unexpectedly, my dark and brooding charmer, fell into a serious state of cognitive dissonance. I lost him.

Then he comes. Then he goes. Then he comes again.

Then I was tired.

But I promised myself that I wouldn’t give up on him. He showed me goodness, and that’s what I should give back.

But I find it stupid sometimes. It annoys me when I think that I can be compared to that stupid maiden in A Lover’s Complaint.

And it makes me question my newfound beliefs. Why do I settle for the next best thing?

—

When the handsome young prince came for the maiden, why did she reject him? I used to think she was plain stupid but now, I think I get her somehow. Yeah, pathetic as it may sound.

This was her reply:

O that infected moisture of his eye,

O that false fire which in his cheek so glow’d,

O that forc’d thunder from his heart did fly,

O that sad breath his spongy lungs bestow’d,

O all that borrowed motion seemingly ow’d,

Would yet again betray the fore-betray’d, And new pervert a reconciled maid!

And it might as well have been mine.

I wanted to say so many things, but then I suddenly didn’t feel like it.

Monsters from my past have resurfaced. I thought I’ve gotten rid of them but I guess the farther you run, the sooner they catch up. (Don’t ask me how) Pero di bale na, whatever happens, I’d still end up victorious. A friend of mine used to say that if you fail, don’t think of yourself as a failure. And I’ve been starting to think that way lately. I know I’ve done a lot of mistakes in my past, some intentional, some just plain stupid.

And I’ve ran anway from some of them. I thought, what’s the point of facing something I know would hust me?

But then, in those moments of pain, that’s when i have my little moments of epiphany. With God’s help, of course.

—

Some people still try to hurt me. I don’t blame them but honestly, some of them are just plain whacked for attacking an innocent girl who just wants a better life and a better nation.

No, I’m not that kind who attacks or retaliates. What I do is hold my head up high and handle things with grace, a bit of pride and delikadesa.

I’m still so greatful to be me. I love me!!!
(Pasensya na, lately, I’m all about me, I’ve been fixing my life and sorry if I haven’t been letting anyone be too close or whatever. I’ve put up walls again, so I could heal and reflect and redempt.)

Thanks to Bamboo, I’m seeing break-ups in a whole new light!

Check out their new song, 50 ways to leave your lover.

—

Album: We Stand Alone Together
Original Artist: Paul Simon

“The problem is all inside your head”, she said to me
The answer is easy if you take it logically
I’d like to help you in your struggle to be free
There must be fifty ways to leave your lover

She said it’s really not my habit to intrude
Furthermore, I hope my meaning won’t be lost or misconstrued
But I’ll repeat myself at the risk of being crude
There must be fifty ways to leave your lover
Fifty ways to leave your lover

[Chorus]
Just slip out the back, Jack
Or make a new plan, Stan
You don’t need to be coy, Roy
Just get yourself free
Oh, hop on the bus, Gus
You don’t need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free

She said it grieves me so to see you in such pain
I wish there was something I could do to make you smile again
I said I appreciate that and could you please explain
About the fifty ways

She said why don’t we both just sleep on it tonight
And I believe in the morning you’ll begin to see the light
And then she kissed me and I realized she probably was right
There must be fifty ways to leave your lover
Fifty ways to leave your lover

[Chorus 2]
Slip out the back, Jack
Or make a new plan, Stan
You don’t need to be coy, Roy
Just listen to me
Oh, hop on the bus, Gus
You don’t need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free

I badly miss someone who I shouldn’t be missing.

—

Thank you, BA Racoma, for the plugging opportunity. Check out his blog: http://ba.racoma.com.ph

—

Thank goodness for work, really.

—

I should finish my scripts and research.

I should do something productive.

—

If we’re doing voice-overs, our managers always tell us that our voice sounds better when we’re hungry Maybe thas why he sounded uber sexy on the phone a while ago. Shocks, parang may droga o gayuma yung boses nya, hanggang ngayon may hangover pa rin ako. Sheeeeet, this is so not me. I’m acting like a school girl with a crush! Eeeeeps!

—

Thanks to BA, really, for bringing up important issues about life.

—

I should really get some sleep.

—

Did i have dinner? Wtf did i eat?

—

Oh, so thas how you meet people… I see…

—

Blogging is love. Especially if people you don’t know reads your blog. The cherry on the icing, ofc, is when it appears as one of the top searches in Google for something as trivial as “synergy”.

BA’s so nakakainggit! XD

—

I should totally sleep now.

—

Back to UP and Trinoma tomorrow! Wooosh!

—

Tequilla is love. (Yeah, I was referring to the DC character lol!)

—

I prefer Vermouth and Kir. Kir’s the CIA agent, btw.

—

Kaitou KID is still the best! Love those hang gliders.

—

There’s this really hot guy who’s so addicted to “Lost”. And then, there’s another hot guy who’s addicted to “Prison Break”.

So?

Yeah, they’re both gay. Kidding!

—

I’m acting like Sherlock Holmes in “The Dying Detective”. Check it out, really.

—

So what about those clams?

—

Head hurts. Love and happiness is blur.

—

Must stop typing.

—

Mikki overheats. I fall asleep.

—

That is all.

I know very well that I am cursed by someone when I start seeing things that I’m not supposed to see. People that don’t exist, for example.

I’ve had this before. And I feel myself blushing just the thought of writing here. Eek! This blog used to be just some sort of blackhole for my thoughts and emotions… So why am I so worried (and conscious) of the things that I am about to write? Is it because I know that people read? I dunno. Is it because these readers are people that I actually know? Not sure.

Oh don’t mind me. I’m just having one of ‘em schizo and paranoia fits. I’ll get out of this come school day…
—

So i was going to come up with this entry about "love" but then i suddenly didn’t feel like it.

Then i thought, "hey, why not an entry about heaven?" Then i started crying when i reached the second paragraph.

Hmm, i seem to be crying more these days. I think of it as some sort of washing away the dirt and grime and darkness and other filthy things that i kept locked up in the abyss of my heart.

Not so bad, eh?

So, now, because i am completely speechless, i present to you, my dear audience, this song.

I just like this song. Deal with it.

(PS i like my shout-out for today. Don’t forget to say "pretty, sexy, hot, please!" ;p)

—

"Harder To Breathe"

-maroon 5-

How dare you say that my behavior is unacceptable
So condescending unnecessarily critical
I have the tendency of getting very physical
So watch your step cause if I do you’ll need a miracle

You drain me dry and make me wonder why I’m even here
This Double Vision I was seeing is finally clear
You want to stay but you know very well I want you gone
Not fit to fuckin’ tread the ground that I’m walking on

When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love
You’ll understand what I mean when I say
There’s no way we’re gonna give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it’s getting harder and harder to breathe
Is there anyone out there cause it’s getting harder and harder to breathe

What you are doing is screwing things up inside my head
You should know better you never listened to a word I said
Clutching your pillow and writhing in a naked sweat
Hoping somebody someday will do you like I did

When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love
You’ll understand what I mean when I say
There’s no way we’re gonna give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it’s getting harder and harder to breathe
Is there anyone out there cause it’s getting harder and harder to breathe

Does it kill
Does it burn
Is it painful to learn
That it’s me that has all the control

Does it thrill
Does it sting
When you feel what I bring
And you wish that you had me to hold

When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love
You’ll understand what I mean when I say
There’s no way we’re gonna give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there cause it’s getting harder and harder to breathe
Is there anyone out there cause it’s getting harder and harder to breathe
is there anyone out there cuz its gettin harder and harder to breathe