Archive for May, 2007

it’s obvious how bitter you are

HOMANGGA!!! (Nino, dapat kasi pina-patent mo na lang yung expression…)

Ulit, ulit.

HOMANGGA!

I still can’t comment on people’s blogs. Even mine! Gasp! (Notice that I say ‘gasp’ instead of actually doing it? Thank you, Giggles.)

Fave ko pa naman mag-comment sa sarili kong blog. Tsk. Tsk.

So, anyways, i’m still mourning but inexplicably happy. Because I know he loves me? Hmm. Because I love him too? Because people might be angry at me for it? Hell, yeah! Kidding.

I’m still smiling.

Lalalalala. . .

And I’m not bitching or swearing or whatnot. I miss him badly but knowing stuff (stuff so abstract I can’t think of any other name to call it) makes me content. And yeah, Just. Damn. Happy.

Fi fi, am writing the entries about his highness. Sheesh, people. I also have a script due tomorrow, okay? I’ll upload as soon as I can.

Lalalalala. . .

(Now I have to blame Doreen for this.)

sana naiisip mo na dinidisiplina ko ang sarili ko

Alam mo na ngang dinidisplina ko ang sarili ko, patuloy mo pa rin akong tinitempt. (Di ko alam yung Filipino eh. Xenxa na.) Parusa ito!

Ang bilis ng karma. Badtrip. You’re still so hot. Badrip talaga.

as if dissapointments weren’t part of my vocabulary

Same here.

Just a remind.

I can’t update now. I’m dead tired from screening the apps for KX. (And I was praised by Ate Ros! May makings daw ako ng mem com head! Hoyeah! Haha, nasanay lang siguro ako sa pag-iinterview ng apps for UPJC. :p)

So plugging na rin di ba? Sa mga mahilig magsulat at makialam, SALI NA SA UP JOURNALISM CLUB! Hindi lang kami mga matatalino at super duper talented, super duper hot pa! Nyahahaha!!!

Ok. Back to business.

Hindi ako galit sa’yo dahil sweet ka. How can I ever be mad at you for that?

And I’ve always said that I understood you. And yeah, I still do. Maglagay ka man ng kakaibang disclaimer d’yan, magegets ko pa rin yun. Bakit? E tungkol sa’tin yun di ba?

Bitin na ba kayo sa nangyari sa’min ni my highness?

I bet tumingin na rin siya sa blog ko pero sorry, wala pa ako sa mood magsulat. I’m dead tired from screening, interviewing apps and my eyes still swell from crying. Hindi ko makita tinytype ko. As in. Maga siya.

Anyhoo, here’s a sneak peak for my collective blog entries that will follow… (All about his highness. Ang climax. Ang… basta.)

"… That’s the only way I can watch. If I’m watching from afar, if I’m watching from a distance." he said and I started to feel light-headed.

He sighed. "You can tell people that I died or something… I can’t be your highness anymore. His highness has to die."

So there! Exciting, ne? So a must na abangan niyo ang kapana-panabik na karugtong sa aking napaka-kontrobersyal na buhay!!!

whahappened?!?

I lost my ability to…

(No, Giggles, this does not concern unicorns at all. And no, they don’t exist! But I find them fascinating.)

Anyways, yeah. (?!)

I lost my ability to comment on blogs. I’ve no idea why.

Really. There’s this sign in thinggy and when I click on it, nothing happens!!!

What’s wrong?! Just when I started having fun with blogs. Tss.

Well, today was fun. Tiring but fun. Ate Aloy, our former bureau manager, surprised us with chocolates and hard questions re sex. Chocolates and sex. Mmm…

I kind of kept mum about certain topics. I’m still getting used to speaking out and stuff. I know I should have used the venue for practice, it’s just that I’m still kind of scared. Yeah, maybe it’s that.

I’m just not ready to elucidate on details, swear.

And I still don’t know where I stand on certain topics.

So I’ll keep mum for a while. Just for a while, swear and when I’ve gathered enough confidence, I’ll speak out.

comic relief

And so his majesty, the royal highness, finally admits that he reads my blog! (dati pa daw and recently nyahahahaha)

Kinikilig daw siya (sabay hug, kiss at tanong kung masyado na ba daw s’yang malandi. Ay. Hindi rin.)

So ngayon naman ay random thoughts uli tayo! Loveit! Game!

My bro just got circumcized! (Tama ba spelling? Or ’s’ ba dapat?) Nyahahahaha!

He was wailing like a banshee when he got home! Seriously! And he didn’t stop until we moved the PS2 and the living room’s TV beside his bed. Oh, and he’s going to be bought like a truckload of new games. What. A. Brat.

When I had my period, my mom just bought me napkin. See how sexist my family is?

Zanti and I were talking about films in general. I remembered my film100 days. They seem so long ago. . .

Doreen’s bro also got circumcised. (Ayan tama na ba or minali ko pa?) Baby bros are so whiny. Don’t they know how painful dysmenorrhea is? And do they have any idea the excruciating pain we have to endure while we have our monthly visitor?

Oh, wait! Here comes Nicko, my youngest bro, to the rescue!

"Nino, kung alam mo lang, mas mahirap yung maging babae! Tayo isang tuli lang, sila buwan-buwan dinudugo at manganganak pa! Maswerte na tayo!" he said.

Really, when will he be canonized?

Bea said he checked out his highness here.
And now she has a new ol crush!

Homangga! Napapa-"ne" ko na siya. Oh no. Is this my influence on him? I should tell him to cut back on the manga.

AT NGAYON, ANG KAPANA-PANABIK NA KX KATANUNGAN!

Haha. Joke.

Nagka-idea naman ako dahil sa comment ni ate Anj. Parang blind item daw ang blog ko. Loveit.

Sige may prize ang makakahula who they think his highnes is. Nyahahaha!!! Makakatanggap kayo ng KX goodies (na ninakaw sa office?) este, basta may prize kayo!

Bawal sumali ang mga may alam na. Alam niyo na kung sino kayo.

Grabe iba na ang trip ko sa buhay!

Yeah blame his highness for not revealing his identity.

I was actually coaxing him na okay lang naman if people find out but he said, "I’m just not ready for people to ask me ‘Kamusta na kayo ni Nicai?’…" Hay. Payn. HIndi naman illegal ginagawa namin. Ay teka, minor pa pala ako. But STILL!

Hay.

Think of us as superheroes daw. Like Shinichi hiding the fact that he’s Conan.

Kamusta naman ang gamitin ang favorite manga/anime char ko? Ano ‘to? Feel ko tuloy binabata niya ako.

"Isipin mo na lang, ham yan!"

"Ham nga!"

Bah-humbug.

Howell, always wanted to be a superhero/detective/secret agent/NOC.

And last time i checked, he also did!

PS Bring on the shrink chair! Fulfillment of frustarted childhood dreams na ito!

a different kind of understanding

for those who don’t know who his highness is, you better not be reading my blog unless you want nightmares and migraines (notice that i said "and" and not "or"? notice that both words are in plural form?)

not a lot of people can understand what we’re going through. what we have isn’t even a conventional type of relationship, after all. and we started out kind of… let’s not talk about that. what we have maybe something society is not ready for. we’ve gone through hell and purgatory and heaven and back again. yeah, daig pa si dante alighieri.

i’m actually glad na nasasabayan niya takbo ng utak ko. he is smart, after all. and i’ve always looked up to him. and when my friends and i are talking about guys, i’m glad i can talk about him as some kind of good example (communication-wise, etc.) as much as he acts like a kid, he’s mature, really. he can be as guy bitchy as he wants to be but i feel the sincerity in everything that he does. and yeah, i’m glad that he’s just there.

while i am confused with what i feel for him, i think he is too. as he said, maybe we’re just too scared to admit it, maybe we cared for each other a little too much than we should

but what are we, really?

what do i want him to be in the future? frankly said, i really don’t see us married either. maybe really, really good friends. special friends. the kind of friend that - sheesh, i can’t go on.

maybe some other post.

when moments of clarity and confusion clash

Nicai: yeah so answer my Qs

His highness: ano uli yun?

Nicai: what am i to you?

Nicai: what am i to your life/ what do i do to you?

Nicai: what do you want me to be in the future?

His highess: sana isa isa lang

His highness: di kasi ako bionic eh

His highness: which one goes first?

Nicai: ikaw basta sagutin mo lahat

His highness: Who you are to me?

Nicai: yeah something like that

His highness: You’re my Nicai. You used to be just my (edited, edited, erased, erased for identity protection reasons). Now,you’re a friend. No a special friend. We share secrets and get to know each other deeper that what others know about us. You are a little more of a friend and a little less of a girlfrin

His highness: *girl friend

BUZZ!!!

His highness: Sorry na ddc eh

Nicai: oks lng

Nicai: :p

Nicai: aand? di mo pa sinasagot lahat. . .

Nicai: sana yan yung cinomment mo sa friendster, di ba?

His highness: What are you to my life? You’re my temptation, my earthly escape and my sinful conscience, bwahahahaha

His highness: What do I want you to do in the future?

BUZZ!!!

Nicai: haaaaaaaaaaaay….

Nicai: yeah answer that

His highness: I dont want you to die early and I want to see you grow in beauty and be the lady that you’re supposed to be. I know that we’re not going to end up as a wedded couple but I want to screen him and see if he’d fit you.

His highness: Ok na?

Nicai: …..

Nicai: :((

His highness: Not what you were expecting, ne?

Nicai: nah im just touched

snippets from that pivotal day

Characters: his highness, me

Setting: Welcome Rotonda, footbridge

I started singing the Kaitou KID song I made up (the melody was of Barbie Girl’s) as we were crossing the footbridge. Oh yeah, and I was doing the dance move. Yeah, in a public place. With his highness. So there I was, singing and twirling like some madman. (At least I was in tune)

“I’m a phantom thief in Detective Co – OW!”

I rubbed the part of my arm where he had pinched me. Seriously, it really hurted. I narrowed my eyes and spat, “What was that for?!”

“You told me to pinch you when you start acting crazy!”

I pouted. “I wasn’t – OW!!!”

Another pinch.

“Para san – OW!!! MASAKIT KAYA!!!”

“That’s a reminder not to do anything crazy.” He said with that proverbial smirk.

Characters: his highness, me

Setting: Philcoa, Jollibee

I wasn’t feeling well. And as usual, I was ranting.

“Masakit pa rin tiyan ko. Malay. Parang gutom pa rin ako. Nabigla siguro kasi hindi ako nag-dinner last night.” I went.

“Hey,” said his highness and then he mouthed, “Are you pregnant?”

I raised a brow. “NO!”

He smiled and mouthed, “Want to be?”

I’m not sure if I kicked his shin but we were laughing after that.

Characters: His Highness, me

Setting: UP Diliman, Vinzons

I was singing the Conan song this time (to the tune of BINGO)

“There is a teenage heisei Holmes and Conan is his name-o! C-O-N-A-N! C-O-N-A-N! C-O-N-A-N and Conan is his name-o!”

And his highness, being his usual, mocking, guy bitchy self changed the lyrics.

“M-O-R-O-N! L-O-S-E-R! N-I-C-A-I and Nicai is her name-o!”

Characters: His highness, me

Setting: Plaridel Hall, oh shit wag na lang ‘tong entry na ‘to. Location pa lang, buko na eh hahaha

Characters: His highness, me

Setting: UP Diliman, AS aka Palma Hall, 4th floor, dun sa mga may table

After long, heavy sighs, a longer conversation, drama, comedy, a lot of crying but a whole lot more epiphanies, we were tired and badly need to go home. He was late for an activity and it’s getting a bit dark for me to commute home.

He was sitting on the table and I was lying down on it. He warned me not to lie down since people would think we were up to something but I badly needed to lie down onto something. Where’s the freaking shrink lounge chair when you needed it?

“Mukha kang na-rape… Ayusin mo nga damit mo.” He said as he pulled up the collar of my shirt and fixed my sleeves.

“Ano yang nasa buhok at mukha mo?” I sat up to cover my scar.

“Hindi yang sugat mo. Yung mga – ”

“Oh, tissue.” I said and instantly, his fingers started picking the bits of tissue residue on my hair, cheeks, lashes.

Then he started going on about… oh geez, I’m not really sure now but it’s something like he wants me to get better and stuff like that.

“’Cause I care about you.” He said, squeezing my left arm. And he smiled.

- -

More from that series of conversations

“Blame that book” said his highness as he pointed to the thin, propaganda material – I mean, book, in his bag. “The book said marry your friend, not your lover.”

He probably saw that the last statement ignited some sort of fear in me. Am not sure if it showed on my face or he just felt it.

“I’m not saying that I’m gonna marry you, you don’t believe in marriage di ba?” he said and went to explain some more but I guess I wasn’t listening anymore.

Sigh. Marriage – something I know I could never have/experience/want.

Characters: His highness, me

Setting: En route central (that part of UP near Vanguard)

“You’re the complete package, you know that?” he said and he started enumerating things that I’d rather not post here.

“Uuh… Thanks?” I said after his soliloquy.

“You’re every pervert’s dream. Of course, I’m not.”

“Too bad you aren’t. Or…”

This snippet is turning R18 so I guess I’d rather not continue this. Sorry, readers.

Characters: His highness, me

Setting: In the bus going home

We were cuddling.

“You won’t say it, but I can feel it.” He said.

“What?”

“You love me.”

I smiled and hugged him tighter.

Later that night, I thought, maybe I do.

a hero tainted, broken

George Gordon, Lord Byron, the youngest person ever to have a seat in the upper house of Britain’s parliament, is probably one of my most favorite historical figures. He’s a prolific writer, a Romanticist and, frankly said, bisexual.

He was a rebel since his early years, saved girls in sacks, had affairs with anything fuck-able. How can I not like him?

Okay, here’s one of the poems he wrote:

She walks in beauty, like the night   
   Of cloudless climes and starry skies;   
And all that ’s best of dark and bright   
   Meet in her aspect and her eyes:   
Thus mellow’d to that tender light         
   Which heaven to gaudy day denies.   
One shade the more, one ray the less,   
   Had half impair’d the nameless grace   
Which waves in every raven tress,   
   Or softly lightens o’er her face;   
Where thoughts serenely sweet express   
   How pure, how dear their dwelling-place.   

And on that cheek, and o’er that brow,   
   So soft, so calm, yet eloquent,   
The smiles that win, the tints that glow,   
   But tell of days in goodness spent,   
A mind at peace with all below,   
   A heart whose love is innocent!

Nice, ne? The title is She Walks in Beauty. Grabe, nakaka-relate ako. Nyahahaha!

just because i can

I love pointless blog entries like these!

I know you do too!

;)

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